I
rarely discuss my sobriety, yet alone, write about it. It’s not
because I’m humiliated by the acknowledgment of being a drunk. No,
I made the public testimony about the road to recovery when I first
gave up drinking last year. However, what I quickly found out is
that those who were nearest and dearest to me had a challenging time
perceptive the latest change in my life.
The
conversations I had with friends and family became rather
predictable.
“You have a drinking problem, What"?
As time went on,
I had family attempt to sugar coat with negative thought process
of my sobriety to our family.. I’ve even had some intimate ways
that I'm not a drank. A part of me was frustrated by these
reactions, but I also knew they were trying to make an excuse to my
behavior, because most of my family has the same behavior. Furthermore, I realized I didn’t fully understand my dependence on
alcohol. It’s tough talking about something you’re still
in the cognition of figuring out, so I decided to break down my
dependency before I made advance attempts at speaking about it.
There’s
no right or wrong approach to sobriety. Everyone has to decide what
works best for him or her. Having stated that, I’m part of A.A.
So
I opted in to the 12-step route, but at first I was not welcoming
A.A. Into my life and sure enough, the program woman I encountered
told me I was setting myself up for failure if I didn’t get to a
meeting and seek out a sponsor. I believe most people will fail at
something because they dazzled follow a general blueprint that others
in a similar situation was using. My pride was in the way to start
with help of A.A.
I wanted to figure out what triggered my
addiction. What made me want to withdraw from my friends and lock
myself in my room with a bottle?
That’s the side that my friends
never saw:
the woman who sidestepped invitations or found an excuse
to leave early because I wanted to go home, pout, and kill the bottle
that was sitting in the fridge.
Discernment
my addiction has been the most beneficial aspect of sobriety. I had
to come to the realization that my dark angel tries to take over the
driver’s seat of my life, I believe I’m not worthy of happiness.
When I feel that the joys and successes of life perplex me, that’s
when the bottle calls. That’s when I closed out from people and
seek misplacement in booze. Reminding myself of this is a
never-ending process. Every day, I tell myself that I am making the
choice to be happy and present in the moment no matter what angular
shape throughout the day. I have to remember that reverse are a part
of life, but the realm of positive expectation is always within my
reach.
I
arrived at this outlook through reflection and thoughtfulness. I am
perpetually learning and clutch spiritual growth. I’m pretty
fortunate to have been introduced to someone within the past year who
helped steer me on this path of enlightenment. We’ve spoke about
sobriety and how happy I will be. It just so happened that I’ve
learned much from hearing about her journey, and She has recommended
books and teachings that have helped me tremendously. She not my
sponsor, or a relative. She was just a great friend who I am
extremely thankful for and miss dearly.
I’m cognizant, but I’m still not consummate. Most days are great, some
not so much. Then there are those days when the dark angel actually
wins. Addictive personalities tend to exchange out one addiction for
another. So if you see me decorating a cupcake, you know what I’m
really dealing with. I’d rather be fat than deal with the
hangovers, which I do not miss.
My
Life is not a made for TV , where quondam drunks get the shakes or
break out into cold sweats when they see an alcoholic beverage. I
don’t mind being with my friends in social settings where alcohol
is being served, but It is a trigger to just smell the alcoholic when
I'm in a emotion state. I find these situations more entertaining ,
not because I'm not drinking, Its just show me how idiot I had been
when I was drinking. As a matter of fact, sometimes
Most
of us are susceptible to the belief that dependence only wears one
face. Unless you are seen passed out in a pool of your own body
waste, people will have a hard time receptive that you have a
drinking problem. Physiological state wears many faces. We don’t
all have to look like we are heading toward skid row to admit we need
to put the bottle down. I’m grateful for the homeless scene that
led me to my turning point, and I’m beaming of the spiritual growth
and comprehensibility that has come from my sobriety. That’s what
matters most. It’s not about the animadvert of my peers. It’s
about what I think... what I feel... how I’m doing. I finally have
the rudimentary belief that mine is the only voice that matters.
I’m
not to a lesser extent than anyone else. I’m adequate. And I
arrived at this geographical region thanks to sobriety.